hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
