Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they're like a gay fantastic four
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
