I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
