Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
