I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
