Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
