New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
