I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
