he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
