I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
