I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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