Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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