Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sext me about skeletons
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
