I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We named our party play list daddy issues
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A bitchslap is in order.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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