I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
