You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
