I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Randomize
