dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
