So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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