Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
