I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
