Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
