The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
