Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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