I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
