Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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