Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize