I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize