Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
