oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
