Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
