Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
