yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
