It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
