You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
