I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
