After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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