So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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