My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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