we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
