she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
