I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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