I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
