Nicole vs. Life
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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