I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
