drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
