i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
