Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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