people are starting to question the shark bite story
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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