and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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