Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
