you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want a musical about memes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
