one two three fourrrrnication!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
