I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
