If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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