He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
