i jhust puked up my retainher.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
