I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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