The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
