you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
