I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Randomize
