It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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