This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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