i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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