my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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