If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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