its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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