Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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