im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
